Asshole Watch

You people are pissing me off.

2005-09-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

When I said "gaping asshole" I was referring to Michael Moore. To associate a phrase intended for Michael Moore with porn is just gross. Really gross. When I say gross, I mean in the sense of the original meaning of the word, huge. Fat. Lardy. We're talking whale blubber, you pervs.

Stop searching for gaping assholes unless you are looking for Michael Moore. Not Michael Moore porn. You should have your heads examined.

You guys are acting like assholes.

Moore on Michael

2004-12-10T20:27:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of old-fashioned googlebombing, I thought I'd offer some moore editorial bomb suggestions.

Michael Moore is a bearded whale.
Michael Moore is fat and wrong.
Michael Moore is a son of a bitch.
Michael Moore is A Big Fat Stupid White Man.
Michael Moore is a bully.
Michael Moore is a slimeball.

Faithful readers, take your pick. Link to the grandstanding big fat stupid bully slimeball whale.

Pissed Off for Jesus

2004-11-14T11:31:00.000-08:00

Tim LaHaye gotinto a snit over Hank Hanegraaff proposing a different view of the rapture than that proposed in the Gospel According to Tim.

Says LaHaye, "How dare he appropriate my Bible?"*

LaHaye is said to have cited an 85% agreement quotient. Stating that "since 85% of Real Christians (tm) agree with me, my truth can beat up your truth."

Unable to verify said 85% agreement quotient, researchers have concluded that this figure comes from first defining "Real Christians" as being those who agree with Tim LaHaye.

*All quotes in this article have been paraphrased for the ease of understanding of the reader.

Dead Animals

2004-11-13T16:28:00.000-08:00
These pictures probably smell pretty bad, or so it can be assumed, considering the source, Nathalia Edenmont. She kills animals and sticks their heads on top of bowling pins and such.

My raspberry-broccoli feet smell like cheese.

President Moron

2004-11-13T03:38:00.000-08:00
The poorly made blue layout of this site doesn't quite match the color of the crap that seems to be gushing out of it. Notice that the founder of the site is too cowardly to come up with even an internet name, let alone use his/her real name.

I dislike Bush, but I loathe those who put so much effort into trying to make a person look bad.

Today, my feet smell like broccoli.

Gape Away.

2004-11-11T13:45:00.000-08:00
Get your hand off your handle and stop looking for porn, you asshole.

Legal Mumbo-Jumbo

2004-11-06T08:54:00.000-08:00
So, in case you were wondering, it can easily be determined that both of the judges in the Terri Schiavo case are complete losers. Since they seem to want so badly for Terri to die, it can be assumed that they are bigoted against the physically or mentally challenged. So I'd just like to make it known that I am bigoted against bonehead judges who put the will of an adulterous guy's lover above the life of someone.

In conclusion, my feet smell like raspberries.

Glad to Meetcha!

2004-11-03T20:38:00.000-08:00
Yo. You fools shall shake with fear of the new guy! I am Ego, and I am better than you. It seems that I am also better than H, who seems not to have done anything useful in months, and Pucker, who has not done anything (useful or not).
Prepare for the suffering I will cause! (Much more than the unbelievers before me...)

Oh, and John Kerry (along with me) is a jerk. (Bush is an idiot, though. Who cares?)

Moore hot air

2004-06-11T16:49:00.000-07:00
Perhaps some of you have heard of a Google Bomb. A gaping asshole named Michael Moore made it famous when he suggested to his audience that they link up George W. Bush with "miserable failure." Essentially, with enough links saying "miserable failure" and linking to the George Bush official biography, they got Google to show the bio page as its number one link when the phrase is typed into the search engine.

By now you know that I want to show that an asshole is more than just a tool for porn. It's a necessary social commentary. So I ask you, reader, to join me in replacing the top porn links that come up when you type "gaping asshole" with a link to http://www.michaelmoore.com. With enough cooperation, we can accomplish two worthwhile ends: identifying a noteworthy asshole, and helping to do our part to reduce internet porn. Now go pat yourself on the back. You're officially a doogooder.

He's no proctologist.

2004-06-08T06:37:00.000-07:00
Someone called morgasm says that Dr. Atkins is an asshole.

Far be it from me to speak ill of the dead, but he didn't live long enough for me to call him asshole enough times while he was still alive, so he has a few left. This is just catchup, folks.

I don't know if morgasm's science is right, but her social commentary sparkles.

Amusing Search Engine Keywords

2004-06-07T22:41:00.000-07:00
Here: we find evidence that Jason, Rosie O'Donnell, and Gore are assholes. I suspect that damn pink monkey is, too.

A Thyme to Cast Stones...

2004-06-04T17:50:00.000-07:00
Ok, who are the real assholes? The Bush family, or the pinko commie wiccan freaks?

Fuzzy Asshole recipe

2004-06-03T10:09:00.000-07:00
For you coffee lovers, this is just peachy.

Now tell us something we didn't know.

2004-05-27T19:13:00.000-07:00
Now we learn that John Kerry is an asshole. A politician who's an asshole. Surprise, surprise. And a democrat who's a hypocrite. Will the surprises never cease?

Secular Humanism at its Raddest

2004-05-27T10:27:00.000-07:00
She calls her commentary Secular Humanism at its Raddest, yet she refers to herself as "I, Asshole."

Just what is it that makes her an asshole? Well, I have to admit, she's more interesting than a lot of the assholes on the net.

Will the real Andy Kaufman decompose?

2004-05-26T15:27:00.000-07:00
I think the asshole of the week award goes to the Andy Kaufman parade. We've got one Andy Kaufman who says he's bigger than Jesus and the "real" Andy Kaufman who's mad that the first guy got all the attention.

And then there are the 600 or so assholes who are wasting their time debating over whether one or the other really is Andy Kaufman back from the grave.

Get a Tucks.

Superasshole

2004-05-26T11:02:00.000-07:00
Maddox says that Christopher Reeve is an asshole.

It takes grapefruits to say that about a guy so many people think is a national hero, but I think Maddox happens to be right. Well, it takes grapefruits or eggs. Whatever. Both are breakfast foods.

I'd add one thing to Maddox's comments: Reeve used to oppose stem cell testing because he thought it was immoral. Now that he thinks it might help him personally, he no longer thinks it's immoral. Chris, Baby, do you want some syrup for your waffle?

Welcome to the Asshole Watch

2004-05-24T11:27:00.000-07:00
I know the monitoring of assholes is a serious endeavor of the internet. Most of us spend a good part of our time online looking at or for assholes, and a few of us admit to it. So for those of you honest enough to admit that the internet is really just about a bunch of assholes commenting on each other, this blog's for you.

To start you off, we've found a good looking club. I'm sure some of you have already been unofficially nominated for membership. If you want to make it official, pay a visit to the The international Association of Assholes and see if you can bring yourself to join. Remember, admitting it is the first step.

For the rest of you, who just want to keep track of who the assholes are, keep watching. We'll point your tazers at them for you.